Transcript:

00:00:01.290 –> 00:00:09.900 
Christy Fechser: hey everyone welcome back to all in the name of growth so excited to have you here with me today and our amazing guest Isabella i’m really excited.

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Christy Fechser: To be able to talk with her and have a conversation, because I think that what we’re going to talk about today.

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Christy Fechser: And while her circumstances may be different than your circumstances, it is a common thing so before I get into the topic today I just first want to say hello Isabella, thank you for joining me i’m really excited to have you on today.

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Isabella Maxey: hi christy Thank you again so much for inviting me on to the podcast i’m so happy to be here as well.

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Christy Fechser: awesome okay so icebreaker that I do on all of my guest podcast i’d like to ask just kind of for random questions so first is going to be your favorite author or book.

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Isabella Maxey: My favorite author is possibly Sarah J Moss she’s written a lot of the throne of glass quarter turn and thorns and roses I love those books, but my favorite book is probably beautiful creatures it’s fantasy mixed with a little midwestern culture which I really admire.

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Christy Fechser: awesome okay beautiful creatures.

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Christy Fechser: Chocolate or vanilla?

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Isabella Maxey: Ooo, I think, vanilla yeah.

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Christy Fechser: what’s your favorite destination, if you can just get away to anywhere, where do you go?

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Isabella Maxey: whoo honestly it’s weird because I haven’t been there yet, but I would love to visit Italy I think it’s so cool the culture, like so rich and beautiful but yet one day.

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Christy Fechser: definitely making plan, yes, oh I haven’t been there either, but totally on my list yeah okay awesome and the thing that you do to relax.

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Isabella Maxey: I do a couple of things i’d say, sometimes I will cool down and either paint something i’m playing music, but something that I like to do, especially now that it’s getting warmer outside is roller skating I love rolling.

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Christy Fechser: yeah I love that.

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Isabella Maxey: yeah i’m not like any like professional good or like.

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Christy Fechser: You don’t have to be yeah.

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Isabella Maxey: But it’s definitely fun just to kind of like get out get moving and try something new that I hadn’t done before.

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Christy Fechser: Yes, I love that. I love asking those questions because it’s so random for everybody that I talked to you, especially the relaxing question.

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Christy Fechser: it’s a totally different answer i’ve been every time, which is, which is great, because I think that a lot of times people associate relaxing with like yoga or meditation. And that isn’t the way that it always looks for everybody, so I love hearing all the different ideas that people have and the things that they do to just kind of like get away from technology.

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Isabella Maxey: mm hmm.

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Christy Fechser: Okay, so one of the reasons why I wanted to have Isabella on today was because of her story and the things that she’s kind of overcome so just a little bit of background information. And she is Filipino and comes from a very rich culture in the Philippines and her parents actually came to the United States. And became nurses and it is a profession that they were just like feel so strongly about, and it has been it’s really blessed their lives, and so there was an expectation as Isabella was growing up that that was what she was going to pursue as well. And so the whole conversation today kind of stems from breaking outside of the boxes that people put us in and the barriers that they place around us and the things that you know that they kind of have an idea of what we’re supposed to be doing with our lives, rather than what we want to be doing with our lives.
So I just love that you have broken outside of that you do your own thing now so kind of give me a little bit more information or our listeners a little bit more information on what it is that you do right now.

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Isabella Maxey: Okay, so right now I am the brand manager for a podcast production company called resonate recordings based in Louisville Kentucky it’s remote work so. I get the pleasure of working at home and yeah essentially it’s a lot of brand work just marketing communications facilitating community and things like that.

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Christy Fechser: Awesome. Not nursing.

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Isabella Maxey: Yes, not at all near the medical field was yes, not at all you totally went like the opposite sides of the spectrum when I think that that’s awesome.

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Christy Fechser: So what was it about this particular profession that kind of drew you into it.

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Isabella Maxey: I would say um something that I think came naturally to me growing up was talking to people and speaking English and something that I really liked about that was just like you know getting to learn about other people and communication just became my passion growing up, and then I found out there’s a field for that, so it was kind of just paving the way for me from there.

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Christy Fechser: Isn’t that great when you realize that there’s something out there that’s, just like in a fit your little cup of tea that was me when I was in college. I bounced around between like dental hygienist and a lawyer and a psychologist like I was all over the place, because what I wanted was to be able to create my own schedule and I was looking for a profession that was going to allow me to do that. And then I found entrepreneurship like business management and I was like oh. You know the skies parted almost.

So when did you know, so you grew up in a culture and in a home where the nursing profession, was it is deemed a secure profession which we’re going to talk about a little bit later, but it was just something that was kind of ingrained into from a very young age, that that was what you were going to do, because that was what your parents did, and it was the thing that had provided security for them, and so.

They felt that it would provide security for you as well, so, and while I totally honor and respect their perspective. I obviously also champion you for following your own path. And so, when was it like what was the moment that you were like i’m not going to go into nursing like when did, how did that happen.

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Isabella Maxey: I think it was probably when we were getting a checkup me and my sister with my mom and my sister and I both did not end up going into the medical field, but we were really young at this time and our mom was still kind of pushing for us to really like see what it is that doctors, nurses, everyone in the medical field can do for people how great it is to help people which we agreed and believe, like that was our path and then the, I think, phlebotomist was withdrawing or drawing blood from my sister’s arm and at the sight of the blood my sister fainted and I grew nauseous so we pretty much decided there that the medical field is probably not for us.

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Christy Fechser: That would definitely be a kind of a red flag of maybe this isn’t going to actually work out the way I was going to.

But that wasn’t still even even in her you know fainting and you not feeling well even you know, in all of those circumstances, your parents were still really inclined towards you going into nursing and so i’m curious how at a young age, because I mean even even when you’re 18 making those choices for yourself. Like it’s hard it’s hard to go in, even as adults, there are so many people, even in adulthood. That find it very hard to go against what is expected of them right to break out of a box or to create a new mold to do something totally different than what they’ve always done. And I find that so many adults really struggle with that so what was it, like, how were you able to, for lack of a better term, stand up to your parents and say, this is not what i’m doing i’m actually going to go into this other field like what gave you the nerve to be able to do that and I don’t know yeah expound on that a little bit.

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Isabella Maxey: yeah honestly, it was definitely difficult, you know you grow up you believe that this is all there is this is the only option that’s out there you learn all of a sudden there is another side, where the grass is greener you learn more about those things, what you actually like not just what your parents want you to do, and it was scary at first to stand up to my parents. I think I would like you know lay little Easter eggs here and they’re kind of hinting that hey I don’t want to be a nursing just saying like wow I can’t imagine doing that kind of thing every day or while you come home from work so exhausted I don’t know if that’s kind of what I want for my life every day and my parents were, I think, they caught on that I wasn’t really getting into nursing because they tried to put me in a lot of different opportunities that would let me see what it is that they do in hopes that I would fall in love with the profession, but I think what I ended up doing was it was kind of like a passive aggressive confrontation, so it wasn’t me saying i’m never going to be a nurse or anything like that.

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Christy Fechser: But it was gradual.

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Isabella Maxey: Yes, it was more like I was participating in things in school that were not related to the medical field at all like hey mom dad I competed in this art competition and I won first place and they’re proud, because you know first place in whatever field is still first place. So they’re like okay that sounds cool and then I just kind of kept trying to do those kinds of things like hey i’m competing in this hey I want an award I received recognition for something and film something in debate communication and little by little, they started to realize that my accomplishments are not at all aligned with something that could be put on a resume to for a medical field it’s more like business marketing speaking, but um yeah they got the idea, after that, but they definitely did not give up trying to convince me up until college.

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Christy Fechser: yeah so tell me about you — so when we had had a previous conversation about this — I loved your story about the paperwork the you had filled out. So share that story, I thought that was really entertaining.

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Isabella Maxey: yeah so around freshman year of high school I attended a high school where pretty much everybody had a major it was called a magnet school and we could apply for a major, but the major couldn’t be changed once you were accepted into the school so.
My mom initially did not want me to attend the school, it was kind of far it was blue ribbon school, which means it was like very difficult to get into and well ranked and my mom was just like oh there’s no point in trying to get into that school and I was like Oh, but mom they have an allied health program so something, you know that would put me in nursing put me on track for that and.

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Christy Fechser: At that time were even considering it?

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Isabella Maxey: In my mind I had decided.

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Christy Fechser: What were you actually looking at?

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Isabella Maxey: I was actually looking at interactive media production, which was yeah pretty much the only artistic thing that they offered you know there were like engineering programs construction things like that.

But when I showed it to my mom like they have an allied health program she immediately was like okay yeah let’s do that that sounds great that sounds perfect to put you on the path nursing.

So she took it and she had checked the box off and said okay now mail this like go outside, but in the mailbox and send it, but instead I took it before sealing it in the envelope I scratched out that option, the allied health option and I circled checkmark and made it clear that I wanted to do interactive media production instead sent it in, and then, when we went to orientation, we got my documents, and my mom’s like oh they’ve made a mistake, you know they put you in for interactive media production this isn’t right and I was like oh no that’s too bad I guess we can’t change it anymore and she’s like no no let’s let’s talk to the administration, I was like no I it’s it’s done the deed is done I can’t change it so she was like wow What a waste, but while you’re in high school, so I just went on from there.

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Christy Fechser: That’s amazing. Now, while I obviously don’t condone kids like totally you know going against their parents beliefs, I am a huge champion for doing what you feel like is right for you. So i’m sure that that was a little nerve wracking on your part as a freshman I mean I think about you know who I was as a freshman and.

Well, yes I’ve also been kind of rebellious to in the thing in your in my own pursuits and so I understand the mentality, but I also recognize me, I have a son, who is you know 15 almost 16 at this point and I can’t see him doing anything like that so it’s it’s like a DNA thing you know, like you just know what you want to do and you’re willing to pursue it at whatever cost, and I think that that that was pretty amazing that you were willing to pursue that path, hoping that it was just going to work out in your favor and it did, which it, I mean here, we are right years later and it’s been awesome so.

So in following a path that So there are a lot of people who have jobs that they absolutely hate and I think that that is so unwise, it is not good mentally physically. Anything, and so what benefits, do you feel like you have experienced in your life because you chose something you were passionate about versus nursing like what What did you gain by choosing this path and maybe also, what do you feel like you lost if anything in choosing this path.

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Isabella Maxey: I would say, definitely yeah to like acknowledge the benefits, I also have to acknowledge the disadvantages, I suppose.

Definitely, when I decided to choose this path you know, a major in business communication. A lot of Members of the Filipino Community my aunts uncles even friends classmates relatives family, friends, they were not very accepting or open to that I had plenty that were and we’re thinking like oh that’s kind of strange, but you know go ahead, but plenty of them were kind of like it’s not too late to change your major. You can still transfer to another college things like that. But I would say the benefits definitely outweigh that judgment, it was hard, of course, growing up thinking maybe I made a mistake, maybe this is what I should have done instead, what if I fail things like that that anyone will really go through, but the benefits honestly of getting to do what it is that I want every day, whether it’s in my classroom just kind of communicating with other people exploring communication theory if I say this, what does that what connotation does that have what impact can it have in honing my skills in something I actually care about versus i’m basically trying to understand a language that never spoke to me once in my entire life, and I would say, like having that is just a sort of piece that I wouldn’t trade for anything else, and even when I did like receive that harsh judgment even now like to this day, like if — I remember, I was like with my family and we were hosting a dinner with my dad his friends from work, so all nurses on the medical field and they’re asking me like what’s your major like What do you do and i’m like oh i’m in communicate or i’m in communication, and they don’t understand what that means and they’re saying Oh, are you like it nursing and i’m like no they’re like okay so pre MED and I know and they’re like physical therapy and they’re just like No, I am in business because that’s what they’ll really understand.

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Christy Fechser: There you go yeah exactly.

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Isabella Maxey: Yeah and they’ll still like you know have judgment towards that, and I remember that man in particular had kind of just looked at my dad and was like oh sorry you didn’t get a you know you didn’t know exactly, but I was lucky to have gained not only like with my own skills my own passion, but my parents eventually came around and my dad was like actually my daughter speaks English really well and that’s something that we didn’t have the privilege. Yes, like being able to do that and pursue a career in that, and I think that she’s doing well and what she has been pursuing and I think it’s going to lead to some great places, and I was like wow Thanks dad.

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Christy Fechser: I bet that was like a full circle moment at that point where you were like oh my gosh it’s like sinking in and he’s like like having my back that’s incredible I love that.

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Isabella Maxey: yeah I never thought like they would ever except you know that that’s what I wanted to do since they spent more than half my life, trying to make me do something else, but I think my stubbornness just got the better of them, and it probably also seemed to them, maybe bad that like you know somebody else might have been looking down on me for not doing.
What it is that they wanted me to do so, they were defending me in their own way and it was just it was definitely empowering and only made me doing what I want to do that much sweeter that they accepted it.

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Christy Fechser: Awesome. I love that story. I think that’s really great, especially when your parents you know when they come to the understanding and realization that this is the thing that you’re going to do, and that they feel like they can be proud of you for your accomplishments and what you’re pursuing rather than and what they you know, wanted you to do so, what tools for you know for those people who are really struggling to kind of break out of the mold and to go their own way, I think that you know people who have done it before can give them some advice on what that kind of look like for them what tools or mindset they used to you know kind of go against the grain and be able to achieve the thing that they were really desiring so what What was it that helped you be able to succeed in the path that you chose, despite the circumstances and a community which you grew up and loved and did you have to create a new Community like what things What was it that helped you be able to be successful?

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Isabella Maxey: I would say in terms of mindset, there was this one quote, that I heard that pretty much got me through all of those like negative disparaging comments. It was that you only have one precious life, and it is up to you to decide what it is that you want to do with it, you know, like when I heard that when I was younger it’s kind of just like you know, make the most out of your life go travel go.

But in reality, like that can be applied to just everyday life in the sense of you know, I only have one life Why am I going to live it for other people to make other people happy when it’s mine it’s meant for me to be happy with that.

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Christy Fechser: When it would make you miserable.

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Isabella Maxey: Exactly exactly and it’s like… Why why spend all of these you know years crying or hating my job hating my life or just trying to, you know seek benefits, where I could give myself more, and I think, in part, that was just like the journey to kind of finding more self love, in that way that it’s like it’s not a matter of can I do this for my parents can I earn this for my parents and that will bring me worth it’s more like i’m already worth something. Now I get to choose what to do with that worth and put it towards something that brings me value to my life.

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Christy Fechser: You know, I think that one of the things too that a lot of people don’t recognize is that when we do things for other people like so one of the big things that I talk about a lot in my community is something that I wholeheartedly believe is that when we say yes.

To things we want to say no to actually saying no to the things that we would rather be saying yes to and so in that correlation when we’re living at that kind of a life when we’re just you know, trying to I guess in our minds almost sometimes people will justify it by being selfless and while there is so much value in being selfless and in serving and, in doing good in the world that has to be on your terms like somebody else demanding something of you, and you doing that being in the name of being selfless even though it’s something that you hate and the your resenting them for just cause of strife and commotion in those relationships, and so I think that you know, one of the benefits that you know your as as we were talking about benefits, one of the ones that I was thinking you probably experienced in your life, and you can correct me if i’m wrong but I think that, even though there was a little bit of rocking us in the Community, and you know in in the general whole your parents your aunts and uncles and you know the bigger community that while there was a little bit of rock enos there I feel like because you were you had the courage to pursue your own path, that you didn’t end up resenting your parents and the expectations that they had for you and resenting them that you pursued something in your life that was making you miserable and it was all their fault right. That, at this point, you have a healthy relationship with your parents and your family, because you chose to blaze your own trail and do your own thing, rather than being resentful against them and and causing strife in that relationship. And I mean, I know that for me in my life that that is true when. I feel like i’m being forced to do something I don’t want to be doing, which one let’s be honest that like basically never happens because i’m not that kind of person to allow somebody to be like you have to do this and that’s it’s not not my way of going which it sounds like is not your way of going either and but in those circumstances like in school with teachers that kind of stuff it was always like it always created a negative relation there right and I had no I had a lack of respect for that person because they didn’t care about what I wanted as an individual so would you say that that is true that you standing up for yourself and pursuing your own path is actually in some ways saved your relationship with your parents, rather than just like bowing down and doing what they said.

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Isabella Maxey: I would say for sure it is it’s it’s kind of a 50/50 because you know, growing up, without the support to follow your dreams and you always like you know see that kind of thing shown in media, the parents are like do whatever you like son…you know they’re at the baseball game — that kind of thing and it’s like not having that um it definitely at the time, you know in my adolescence was just kind of like I didn’t feel supported I didn’t feel like I could be myself around them and resentment had built up, but I definitely think like me choosing myself is what not only saved my relationship with my parents, but saved kind of the way that they see me because I don’t think that you can be good at something that you genuinely hate or be a good version of yourself doing something you genuinely hate and I think that you know if I had been forced to become a nurse, in the end.

And I was just hating my life i’m sure it wouldn’t be that pleasant to be around either, and they wouldn’t have like that versus now. You know, we can look back and even every now and then like i’ll think man, if I had had that support earlier, I wonder where i’d be now, but at the same time it’s kind of like there’s no point in kind of wasting the time to think of what could have been would have been should have been. Like I got things to do and i’m already proud of myself, now that i’m I was able to make this difficult but life altering choice. And my parents are proud of me, too, and I can’t like count how many times they’ve said again and again, every time i’m like hey mom I got this promotion at work or i’m going to get to do this, they say, thank God, you didn’t listen to me and I agree, and i’m really like you know i’m glad about that and i’m glad that they see that now, you know the resentment would probably still be there if they had been like no, you should have been a nurse, it would have been different, but because they except that it wasn’t just on my part that I saved our relationship it’s also them choosing to accept, who I am and we were able to make a compromise.

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Christy Fechser: Right absolutely and that is that is very true in any relationship is that has to come from both sides, it can’t be just one sided. Otherwise it never works, I mean that’s how it is with my daughter, and I were best friends and for mother’s day you know she’s just like lavishly praising and i’m like well I mean, thank you for all of the kind compliments, but I recognize that it’s you know it’s also because you were open having an honest and open relationship with your mom and that we can have that kind of relationship now, so it definitely goes 50/50.

So you touched on the aspect of being miserable in a profession that you don’t want to be in, and I think that that’s like the main point is that I really want to get to people is that if you’re miserable in your profession there’s you’re doing something wrong right and so.

One of the one of the things that we had touched on at the very beginning of the episode and in our conversation last time was about secure professions and you know, for your parents the secure profession for them was nursing so tell me your thoughts on if you think that secure professions actually exist, and you know is is it worth pursuing a secure profession in order to like in I guess sacrificing the thing that you want to be doing.

00:25:52.050 –> 00:26:02.070
Isabella Maxey: I think definitely you know, looking at from my parents perspective it made sense I understand why they wanted me to be a nurse so badly like that was their ticket out of a third world country, the Philippines and it got them here they got them to do what it is that they wanted to do, which was start a family have a stable, secure job and everything like that, but in terms of anything being a secure job like we saw with the pandemic that anything could just kind of be taken from us at any given point and.

I think you know, trying to pursue a career that you might hate just for the sake of playing it safe for your entire life.

It sounds corny but i’m pretty sure that’s not living like i’m pretty sure not really living if you are just doing something propelled out of fear that’s just surviving and you won’t be able to find Maybe you can find happiness in that if it does, end up being an interest that you know you grow to love, but I would say chances are if you’re certain and you already know that this is something that whether it’s something you can’t stand or just doesn’t spark joy in your life that you will not receive a positive outcome, that would be that would balance out what you would have received had you just believed in yourself and liberated yourself from the, you know fear that you have that’s keeping you from achieving those goals, and of course that’s, not to say like you know it’s easier said than done, but it’s, not to say that it’s it’s something that anyone can do in any circumstance. It takes a lot to move that boulder but I really do believe in the end if it’s something you genuinely want to do it’s worth it something my older cousin had told me before, and she was also you know she ended up not becoming a nurse, and everyone was really scared for her and everything like that…And she came straight from the Philippines like she immigrated here and then didn’t become a nurse, like everyone thought she would. Something she told me is like she became an artist and she said yeah there are days, where I wish I had more money, and there are days, where I wish or I wonder what might have happened if I had just done what my mom had told me to do.

But honestly, the one thing that has kept me going is if I don’t create if i’m not an artist if I don’t utilize this part in me that’s so unique to me, I think I might die. And I think if I never had the chance to do ny of what i’ve gotten to do pursuing my dream I might die, and you know she made that her survival, as opposed to what we typically view a survival and that also you know encouraged me to kind of choose this path for myself and I hope it encourages other people as well.

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Christy Fechser: I love them, I mean that’s a great that all of that is a great kind of like wrap up point for us and Jim Carey actually I heard a quote, that he had said once they said, you can fail at things that you hate, so you might as well, pursue the things that you love.

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Isabella Maxey: yeah.

00:28:57.150 –> 00:29:07.530
Christy Fechser: And that’s like a culmination of exactly what you were just saying in that you know we can choose to be miserable and have money or I mean and i’m not I don’t think i’m not of the mentality right but.

00:29:07.980 –> 00:29:52.620
Christy Fechser: You know you have to do something that you don’t like in order to gain money, I think that you can have all the things that you want in life, but I think that a lot of people narrow themselves into a box that says well what’s going to make me the most money and I guess i’ll pursue that you know rather than what sets my soul on fire and i’m going to figure out how to make money doing that you know or make a difference in the world or.

Whatever make your life meaningful really is what what we’re going for is to do something that is meaningful for for us as individuals, so I love that, is there any like one last kind of thought that you would share with our listeners in like a word of encouragement, or something that would help them to you know take that first initial step outside of the box what would you give them?

00:29:55.590 –> 00:31:07.140
Isabella Maxey: I think something that I would say, is the most powerful tool that you have is your ability to speak to yourself and that’s not necessarily to say like you know talking to yourself or constantly muttering to yourself right. But I mean is more like. You know you are what you eat you are what you feed yourself, so if you only feed yourself the mentality that’s been fed to your entire life of, No, I can never be anything but a nurse, this is the safest way, this is the only way things like that that whatever you feed is what you’re going to become.

But you have the ability to talk to yourself and say differently to think differently and say, well, maybe it’s not the only option, maybe this isn’t all there is, and if you have the ability to discern that. This is not what I want to do, that means that somewhere out there, there is an alternative and it’s up to you, whether or not you are willing to take a bite of that alternative to feed that to yourself and then do something about it. You know it’s not it’s not easy i’m not gonna say it’s easy. But I will say it is always worth it.

00:31:07.470 –> 00:31:18.960
Christy Fechser: Always always worth it, yes, always asking yourself well it’s that what you were saying about just another option, you know you don’t even have to take the leap, but what else is possible.

00:31:19.260 –> 00:31:23.760
Isabella Maxey: Exactly your effort will never betray you I think i’m a strong proponent of that.

00:31:24.420 –> 00:32:11.700
Christy Fechser: love that. awesome. is it all, thank you for joining me today and kind of sharing your story in your life experiences and your wisdom and the things that you’ve gained from your heart experiences, I think that sometimes. Our heart experiences obviously they help us, but I believe in large part, they are meant to help other people to to be able to come overcome their own things, and so I honor you for coming today and sharing your experience so that other people can. See in themselves what you experienced and kind of see a road map out of where they’re at so that they can achieve something else that’s more meaningful or fulfilling in their life so two huge cheers for you on following your own path doing your own thing, despite the circumstances and being awesome at your job, and obviously well respected in your realm so I appreciate you coming on.

00:32:12.090 –> 00:32:23.880
Isabella Maxey: And I appreciate you having me thank you so much for giving me this platform to like voice this out to other people who may be in a similar situation I think what you’re doing here is really important work, so thank you.

00:32:23.970 –> 00:32:29.700
Christy Fechser: Thank you all right, we will catch up with you later. Thank you so much.