Episode 9 – Having a Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset

Christy Fechser 0:00
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of all in the name of growth. I’m really excited today to have on our special guest. St. Rappaport is a personal growth coach. And I am just so excited to have her on to talk to her today about the difference between having a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. But before we jump into that, we want to get to know sto a little bit more. So I’m going to ask her our random questions that we do for icebreakers. And they’re all over the place as to so So brace yourself actually before that. Welcome. Oh, well,

ST Rappaport 0:32
thank you so much, Christy. This is fun. I’m really looking forward to this.

Christy Fechser 0:37
I mean to me, too, okay. So who what’s your like, favorite book or your favorite author?

ST Rappaport 0:45
Okay, so one of my favorite books is atomic habits by James clear, I hope you read it. You have to literally like takes habits and makes it so easy and so simple. It’s a little bit like against the work that I do, but I still love it so much.

Christy Fechser 1:03
Atomic Habits, I’ve heard of it but I don’t know that I’ve read it yet.

ST Rappaport 1:06
Yeah. It’s like, every time you read it, you get more things from it.

Christy Fechser 1:10
yes, yes. I love books like that, that or just like little golden nuggets that kind of appear as you like, show up in your life in a different way. That’s awesome. Okay, um, chocolate or vanilla?

ST Rappaport 1:21
Vanilla.

Christy Fechser 1:22
Vanilla? Me too. I’m actually surprised by how many people say vanilla because I don’t know, I guess. I believe that the world is all about chocolate.

ST Rappaport 1:31
Actually there’s a point in my life. Like, I love chocolate. He had so much chocolate that I stopped liking chocolate. So for like, probably maybe like 10 or 15 years. I didn’t even eat chocolate.

Christy Fechser 1:41
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Um, your favorite destination?

ST Rappaport 1:46
Oh, that I’ve been to or that I haven’t been to.

Christy Fechser 1:49
Whatever.

ST Rappaport 1:49
Okay, my dream place to go to is Fiji. I really want to go.

Christy Fechser 1:54
Yes. Amen. Me too. And your favorite thing to do to relax?

ST Rappaport 2:02
Ooh, this one’s a hard one for me. But I absolutely love talking with good friends and having like, deep conversations, not just so much like, Oh, how about yours, like watching movies or stuff, but really like connecting on like intellectual topics and like, debating them?

Christy Fechser 2:18
I like it. I think that’s great. And it definitely it’s funny how everybody has a different answer to this question. I’ve not gotten that answer before. And I like that. I like it. I like when I don’t get the same answer. Because I think it helps people understand their own individuality and how it’s different for them. How like, relaxing, can be totally different for every person. And I tell everybody, it doesn’t have to look like yoga and like meditation. Yeah, okay, brilliant. Okay, so we’re gonna dive in and talk about having a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. So can you first just like, let’s go with the very basics for people who don’t even know what that is? What is the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset?

ST Rappaport 3:05
Yes. So background, Carol Dweck was a professor in Stanford, and she wanted to understand what made someone really successful, like how do people win the Olympics? How do people become millionaires in any area of their lives? What makes someone successful, and based on our years of research, she discovered it’s this, it’s the difference between having a growth and fixed mindset. Now, fixed mindset believes that the way you are born is basically how you’re going to stay your whole life. So if you’re really good at drawing, you’re going to be good at drawing. But if you’re not like, you’ll just never be an artist. And that’s with every area of your life growth mindset believes that with hard work and perseverance, you could learn almost anything. So maybe some people do have a more natural ability to draw, but anyone could learn to draw if they put that work and effort into it.

Christy Fechser 3:54
Yes, I love that. And have you personally in your own life? Been able to? I mean, did I know that this is something that you discovered very, at a very young age for yourself? So I don’t know that, that it’s ever been true for you. But have you felt like there’s an area in your life where you had a fixed mindset, and you’ve had to overcome that and create it into having a more growth mindset about something?

ST Rappaport 4:18
Absolutely. So one of my like, weakest points, is like, my memory, my memory is just really weak. And for years, like in school, I was like, I just can’t memorize I can’t do anything. And I literally didn’t anything on past that had to do with memorizing, I would just like fail, right through if it was like logic and understood, it was great, but otherwise, yeah, so I eventually after years, like actually, like only a couple of years ago, like maybe three or four years ago, I was like, hey, hey, I’m having such a fixed mindset about this. And there’s a reason why I can’t memorize anything. So I started like switching it and I was like, Okay, I’m gonna have to start memorizing I still have a long way to go but I like do certain exercises to help my brain or like instead of like someone telling Do something in the past, I’d say Oh, I’m just not going to remember that because I can’t memorize like, okay, how can I try to remember this?

Christy Fechser 5:06
Yeah, yeah, brilliant. I love that. I love that example. And I think that that’s a really good example. Because your way of thinking about I mean, memorization is like at the core of how our brain kind of functions. And so I love that you kind of illustrated the point that you can change it because my next question was going to be can you rewire your brain? Going from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset? Like? Well, maybe back up? I guess maybe the first question should be, how does a fixed mindset like, how is it created?

ST Rappaport 5:39
Yes, it’s a really good question. Actually. One that I don’t think it’s asked enough. Because technically, when we are born, we’re like, right? All children are really curious. They want to know, and they have this very big growth mindset, or almost like nobody would ever learn how to walk, right? No matter how many times you fall down, eventually you get up and you want you you do walk. I think that the way the fixed mindset really comes in, is for more outside, like messages that you get either as a kid or even growing up. So it could be something like direct, like someone telling you, you are not good at math. So you’ll be like, Okay, now it could be even like, it could be direct like that, it could be a little bit less direct, like you failing on a math test, then you’re like, Okay, I’m not good at math. And it could be even something very subtle, like you got, your father asked you a question about math. And you said, Two plus two is five instead of four when you were three years old. And he made like this face that you’re like, oh, okay, I’m not good at math, and then was really settled. But your brain took in, you’re like, Okay, I just can’t do this. I’m not. I’m not at it.

Christy Fechser 6:47
Yeah, yeah. Which is really interesting how our brains as children, and and I think I think it’s important for people to understand is that when we’re making those connections, as children, we’re doing it in order to make sense of the world that is happening around us and also to protect ourselves. But when we go into adulthood, with a child’s mindset, it just limits who we are, and what we can be as adults. And so I love this topic of switching from a fixed mindset and kind of those stories that we have told ourselves are true about ourselves as a child, and how we can rewrite them and say, Okay, well, while that once may be true, it’s no longer true for me as an adult, because I am more capable, more wise, I have more resources, you know, like, there’s so many things available, and which awareness is the first of them to be able to help get us from where we were to where we want to be, which is an example like you shared with your memorization stuff. So I love that. Okay, then. So then let’s go back to the question I’d asked before is, how do you actually rewrite those stories, and the beliefs that we’ve created that helped to make sense of our world? And to help protect us? How do we rewrite them now as adults, so that they aren’t a hindrance to our progress?

ST Rappaport 8:08
Yes. So first off, like you said, all change to anything is self awareness. Like, I get made fun out for how much I believe in self awareness. And I love it, I like you need that first. So first, you have to have that awareness, right. But once you have that awareness, there’s a few things you could do to change your brain really to get into that mindset. So the first thing you’re gonna want to do is put it in that mindset of wanting to learn about it. Okay, so let’s say for example, you want to get really good at, like, writing copywriting, like writing good emails, and communicating, like your taxes or things like that. So the first thing you’re going to do is, after the awareness is the learning, you know, now that you’re not going to do you’re not trying to lie to yourself and tell yourself, Oh, I’m awesome. I copy this is great. No, you’re recognizing where you are, but you are learning about it. So you want to read books about it, watch YouTubes listen to podcasts, anything that you could do that could help you become better at it constantly learning because we don’t stop learning until the day we die. So first off, that’s you’re gonna want to do put yourself in the actual process of becoming better at it. Now, you also want to watch your language, making sure you’re using words that are helping you get into that growth mindset because the words you use affect your action and your brain, right, like so big. So if let’s say, so my favorite word when it comes to this is yet because let’s say you want to say I am not good at copywriting. All you have to do is add the word yet and your brain is already starting to go in that direction of like, hey, not yet, but really soon I’m going to so I’m not good at copywriting yet. Or you could use word I am learning to become better at copywriting or I’m working on copywriting. These sorts of language shifts change your brain from a Not a good copywriter to actually going and becoming better at copywriting.

Christy Fechser 10:04
I love that. Yes. And there were actually two things that you said in there. When you were talking about “yet” you also use the word “soon”. And I think that that is another word that is really powerful. Instead of saying, you know, I’m going to achieve this goal, and, and I’m a huge goal setter, and I like it’s, I have a course and it talks, there’s whole, one whole section that talks all about goals, and setting and achieving and all of that stuff. So I’m a huge, like, goal oriented person. But I think there’s one thing to be like, Okay, I’m going to achieve this goal in one month, or in five years, or whatever it is, it puts pressure on us to do it within a certain timeframe. And like, so I don’t want I don’t want to encourage you saying, I’m going to be this person eventually. Right? Tomorrow, well, you know, tomorrow is never actually a reality until that day comes. And so I love the term soon, I’m going to achieve that soon. And work, I’m going to put my book out soon, right? Like, in one year, or in five months, you know, it changes the way that because soon could be five months, it also could be a year, you know, so I love I love that using yet. And soon, I think that those are really powerful, kind of distinct or distinguishes in our language when we’re using them. The other thing that you really said, or that you said, that I really liked, is that you said you want to recognize where you are not to lie to yourself, and just use these affirmations that are like I am the all powerful everything. And I know everything about the thing I want to know about. But rather, it’s like, Okay, I’m gonna get real with myself. And that’s the only way you can change is when you’re honest with yourself, because you cannot change what you do not recognize, oh, yeah, being able to say, Okay, I recognize where I am. But I’m also recognizing where I want to be. Yeah, having those two things very clear in your head is what is going to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

ST Rappaport 12:11
Yes, that comes back to that self awareness part. Right, you’re aware of where you are, you’re aware of where you want to go. And then you’re going to figure out the process that’s going to help you get there.

Christy Fechser 12:19
Yes. So one of the one of the things that we had talked about before, so Ste and I had a previous conversation before. And we had talked about three things that people can implement right now, to be able to kind of rewire their brain and you already touched on one of them, which was the words that we use. If you know that it really matters. And I wholeheartedly believe in that. I totally agree with that. I know it to be true that the words you use will affect the way that you see your life, see yourself and see the possibilities around you. And if we are always telling ourselves that it’s not there, or that we can’t, it’s not going to be I really like this metaphor is that when you go to the fridge, and if you’re looking for ketchup, but you the whole time you’re saying there’s no catch. There’s no catch up. There’s no ketchup, there’s no ketchup, there’s no ketchup, even if it’s right in front of your face. You cannot see it because your brain is saying it’s not there. Yes. And it is true of everything in life. There’s no opportunities, there’s no opportunities, there was no opportunities. Okay. There’s no opportunities. Right?

ST Rappaport 13:30
Exactly. Right. Yeah, like the metaphor of the car. Yeah, the most popular example of it soon as you buy a car, then you see that car everywhere on the street, and it was got it the same day as you.

Christy Fechser 13:40
Yes, exactly. Exactly. So what are I don’t know if you remember, if you need some prodding on what they are, I’m sure that you maybe do already the three things to implement right now. One of them is the words that you use. What are the other two?

ST Rappaport 13:55
Okay, because I have so many. So I don’t remember, specifically specifically spoke about? Yes. So another one that I really like is valuing the process over the outcome. Because when you value the process, then first of all, you’re not going to give up because you’re realizing part of the process is failing and moving forward. But also you’re going to be able to learn from it so that way you actually achieve your goal. Now some people say like so what are you saying, let’s say my goal is to be a millionaire. And then like, I shouldn’t want to be a millionaire. No, go and be the millionaire and go and get your goal. Not taking away from it right? You still want to become that Olympic winner or whatever it is, but at the same time you’re valuing the process you’re understanding that this is going to take time, I am going to learn from the ups and from the downs and eventually it’s going to help me reach my goal plus is like an added bonus. It makes you happier. Not only not like I have to be happy only when I reached my goal. I could be happy now. Well, I’m in the process of it.

Christy Fechser 14:55
Oh my gosh, you just hit the nail on the head. Happiness is not a destination. It is Actually the journey. And people get so goal oriented. And so attached to that outcome, that I find that — I mean, this is in the last 10 years as I’ve been coaching people, and also in my own life, is that then we end up with post goal depression. Because it wasn’t about happiness in the journey. It wasn’t about the evolution of you, it wasn’t about being attached to progress. It was about that goal, and then you attain it. And it’s like, well, now what? Yeah, like, like, my life doesn’t matter anymore. Because I’ve attained the thing I wanted. And now what? And so I love Yes, so the three things, you nailed them all, actually. So well done. All three of them. So the first one was just for everybody to recap, the three things that you can do right now, to be able to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth, my growth mindset is one, be aware of the words that you’re using the words that are coming out of your mouth, but more importantly, the words that are in your head, because they’re always here, before they come out here to is valuing the process. And I really loved what you said about that is that if we are really attached to the process of growth, then it doesn’t matter if we have failures or roadblocks or hurdles along the way. Because the process is that we are going to just continue making progress. And that looks like putting one foot in front of the other every single day, even on the hard days. And the third one that you were talking about is just wanting to learn that you’re more interested in the learning process than you are in being so attached to the end goal of it, that you’re attached to your own growth and your own learning, rather than that end goal. So brilliant, I love all three of those. Is there anything else that you feel like would be helpful for people to hear that would help them to be able to kind of implement this in their lives? Or to just kind of help them take it to that next level?

ST Rappaport 17:11
Yeah, I think it’s really important to understand that most of us are have a mixture of both a fixed and growth mindset. If you think of something that you’re really good at, right? That is something you only became good at it because you have a growth mindset. Something that you think you can’t do, or you just suck at is because you have that fixed mindset. So when you’re going about your day, and you’re trying to so called develop this growth mindset, you don’t have to get overwhelmed by saying, Okay, I’m like improving all areas of my life. That’s it from now on, I’m doing everything and I’m learning everything about everything. No, you’re recognizing that there’s certain areas of fixed mindset, certain areas of a growth mindset. And even from your fixed mindset, there’s certain things you’re picking out to choose what you’re going to go and work on to meet your growth mindset. Because if you just do everything, you’re just gonna get so overwhelmed.

Christy Fechser 18:00
I love that that was a great wrap up. And it’s so true. We do we are all a work in progress. And to understand that we have different areas where we have already grown into a growth mindset that there are still areas though, that are a fixed mindset. And it’s really valuable to be able to distinguish between the two of them. So, St. Thank you for coming on. Where can people find you online to be able to tap More into your wisdom?

ST Rappaport 18:28
Yes, so the best place to find me is at lifepics university.com. That’s my website, or my podcast, life picks University. Brilliant.

Christy Fechser 18:37
I love what you do. And I am so glad that you came on my show and that we could have this conversation because I feel like what you are giving to the world is so invaluable and that there is not enough awareness that people need to have self awareness. Oh yes, I’m all for that. I like it. Okay. ST thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it.

ST Rappaport 19:02
Thank you so much, Christy. This was fun.

Christy Fechser 19:05
Catch up with you later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai